The Ginger Breadman

It was just 2 weeks before the Grade 10 National Exams and everybody was freaking out, some students were prepared for it, some like me weren’t.
The year was 2013, not my year lol
Some Grade 10 students collected as many notes as possible and left school 3 weeks before the exams to do their own studies at home. They said they would study day and night at home, and come exam week, they would walk into the exam room and kill the exam paper, crush it between their fingers and put it into their mouths, swallow it and then excrete it for the exam markers to mark. What a statement!
Their level of confidence made me question myself, was I ready for this? I wish I had their confidence, I would walk into the exam room and wipe my bottom with an exam paper but no, I was shaking with fright.
I called my gang over during lunch to discuss the exams. We brainstormed on questions to expect on the exam paper by looking at the previous exam papers. We made up our minds that there was a high probability that questions that appeared consecutively on exam papers from different years were most likely to appear again on 2013’s exam papers.
I prayed that the government with all its power and might would pass a bill that would abolish Grade 10 exams and allow us to proceed to Year 11 without having to sit for the exams.
Just then one of the boys spoke up and said “I read that protein slows your brain and reduces your IQ, kaikai sosis na lamb flaps tumas ba mekim
you dumb”.
When I heard these words, I knew I was sure to fail the exams for I ate lamb flaps and sausage almost everyday at Goroka main market and Kakaruk market.
While I was busy contemplating my predicament in the coming exams, the same dude seeing the dismay painted on our faces said “But igat rot stap, sapos you kaikai planty ginger, ba you kamap clever”
It was like Pandora’s box, releasing all the evil into the world bringing doom to mankind but also “Hope” so that men may hope for better days, there was still hope and I only had two weeks to boost my IQ with ginger.
Oh how I wish I knew this piece of information earlier, since his elder sister was a scientist with IMR, we believed him.
So for the two weeks leading up to the exams, ginger was the main diet. I avoided the babarque stands incase I was tempted to grab a yummy Wasa stick meat. Every morning, me and the crew would walk into the market, grab a huge k1.00 bunch of ginger and just munch on it. Nobody dared complain about the ginger burning their mouths and throats because everyone wanted to pass the exams. It was a sacrifice we were willing to make, though our eyes were all watery from eating the spicy gingers, nobody wanted to stop.
At home, I started eating every food with ginger. Kaukau with ginger, banana with ginger, kumu with ginger and even Rice with ginger.
I even ate bread with ginger for breakfast lol call me the ‘Ginger Bread Man’.
I dug up all of mom’s ginger in the backyard and ate it all in one sitting, I ate it with the dirt and red soil on it, my funny brain told me eating ginger fresh out the earth with dirt on it will have more effect on boosting my brain IQ than the gingers that are washed properly and sold at the market.
I even made ginger juice, threw a whole bunch of ginger into the juice maker and made ginger juice which I drank every morning.
When mom asked why I was eating lots of ginger, I told her I had toothache and ginger was the best remedy.
On the day of the first exam, my crew and I walked into the exam room feeling ten times smarter than we were 2 weeks ago. Ginger was working, as my mates were about to take their seats in the exam room, they looked at each other and mimed the word “Ginger”.
The exams was okay, we didn’t just eat ginger. We studied too you know
After the exams, the dude who told us ginger would boost our IQ told us he had lied to us, and didn’t think we would actually do what he told us to do.
And so for the next 2 weeks after the exams, I was depressed as hell knowing I was definitely going to fail the exams and ginger had fxxked me up.
In my depressed state, I looked to Goroka’s finest local brew to make me feel better. I bought a 2 litre Live Lave Ginger Wine but instead of making me feel better as I anticipated, I felt terrible and bitter.
The taste of the Ginger in the wine brought back all the questions on the exams papers and highlighted the questions which I got wrong.
I felt hopeless so I drowned myself in my sorrow and certain doom with each soreh cup of the ginger wine.
When the results came out at the end of the year, I found out I would be progressing to Year 11.
The ginger guy saw me at the market one time and said “Mi tok wanem, ginger ba mekim you clever ya”
I wanted to punch him in the face. I hated the fact that I had to forgo my favorite lambflaps and sausage to eat ginger.
I even placed all my faith and trust on ginger to help me pass the exams that I didn’t feel the need to study for the exams for a few days. I felt ginger would revive everything I learnt in the classroom in the exam room during the exams.

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